On December 6, 2023, Christian Direction published its findings from the Rapha Study, a community-based participatory research on domestic violence and the church in Quebec. The survey, with 503 church-going Québecois respondents, revealed some difficult statistics on the prevalence of domestic violence as experienced by Christians in this province.
Qualitative interviews were conducted with 13 female survivors of intimate partner violence. The women courageously detailed their experiences and how the church responded to their situations. The reports are available at www.direction.ca/rapha. Below are some considerations as to how we – as a diocese and a body of Christ – can begin reflecting on this very important issue.
1. “Domestic violence is blind to class, it cuts through creed.”
Journalist and author Michael Lista said those words when discussing a femicide case he studied involving two highly educated married physicians. It is important to remember- and this is a highly studied and documented fact – that domestic violence can affect people of all backgrounds, socio-economic status, and religion.
In Anglican churches, we have female clergy, we have a “tent theology” that celebrates gender equality and we aspire to make room in our communities for people of all backgrounds. We strive to live according to Christ-centred values, and we do so through inclusivity and equity. These teachings do not immunize our churches from the phenomenon of intimate-partner violence. It would be naive to think that “this issue doesn’t affect us”, just because we are more “progressive“.
People are shocked when they learn that educated women who promote feminist values could possibly ever have been caught in the cycle of domestic abuse. The same sense of bewilderment applies to Christian circles. I receive comments all the time along the lines of, “how can this be happening in Christian marriages when we preach a message of Christ’s love?!?” Sadly, this is an issue that is complex and layered and it happens in all sectors of life, including ours.
In our survey, 39% of the respondents are mainline protestants. And sadly, nearly 37% of all respondents self-identified as being victims of domestic violence. To the question, “I know one person or several people in my community of faith who is a victim of domestic violence”, 67.3% of respondents answered yes. These numbers may seem shocking but they track well with statistics presented by Health Canada or the Canadian Women’s Foundation in terms of the prevalence of intimate-partner violence within general society.
2. Christians in Québec want churches to speak publicly about domestic violence.
“We need to just start by looking very closely at our own relationships and figuring out what does violent–violence look like and sometimes it’s, yeah just to stop normalizing anger as way of – yeah that’s just, that’s just boy’s anger or rage, these are things that can be very dangerous and are killing people so. It’s like a hard no, and, again, it’s so complicated cause I think our relationship to anger and male anger and all that, like I think it needs to be, it just, we need to really, really stop the presses and just be willing to have some good, hard conversations about that.” Survivor’s testimony
In the Rapha survey, 84% of respondents agreed that issues concerning domestic violence and its prevention must be addressed publicly at church. However, only 17% of respondents agreed that their church had taken measures to inform its members about domestic abuse. The research team found that even simple initiatives such as putting up posters or having references on hand for local social services were not common practice at most churches. We must do better.
It can feel daunting for church volunteers or leaders to speak publicly on such a difficult topic. It is important, as well, to recognize one’s limitations; facilitating conversations and addressing the issue of domestic violence SHOULD NOT be confused with clinical expertise. Which is why it’s vital for churches to be well-connected with local social services.
A culture of honesty and transparency, where we can hold space for difficult truths – this is a valuable endeavour, and it isn’t done overnight. There are wonderful resources – pastoral, theological and psychological books, podcasts and videos – available to anyone wanting to better inform themselves or lead discussion groups on intimate-partner violence. The Rapha team has created a database of resources in French, English and Spanish to help clergy and the laity get informed.
The pulpit is not the only place we can address this. Some clergy may feel this is too big or or too sensitive an issue to include in sermons, so here are some ideas:
- Hold a round-table discussion over supper and invite a social worker, nurse or intervention worker to co-host the discussion.
- Invite a local women’s shelter to give a presentation of their work at church on a Sunday morning.
- Lead a Bible study on some of the more difficult passages in scripture that address gender-based violence, and ask thoughtful questions as to what is being revealed about God’s merciful character in these stories.
- Host a book club or podcast-listening group on the topic.
- Look up how to create safeguards and best practices for conversation groups
3. Creating spaces free of judgement and shaming is EVERYTHING.
“So I think there needs to be more support within the church for people who’ve decided to go through divorce, without the shame, with understanding and compassion and empathy”. Survivor’s testimony
In almost every single qualitative interview, survivors named the importance of creating spaces where people can share their struggles, traumas and experiences without fear of judgement, gossip or shame. I have begun calling these spaces “communities of mercy”.
A community of mercy is comprised of people who are imperfect but who strive to be true companions in thought, word and deed to all whom are seeking healing and sanctification. To become a community of mercy, we need to commit to seeking healing in our lives. We need to avoid gossip. We need to be quick to listen, slow to judge. It’s not for the faint of heart.
But consider this: I collected many testimonies from women who considered that domestic violence was an initial trauma in their lives. The response from their churches was a secondary trauma. Spiritual abuse was explicitly named. The actions and inactions of the local church were at times responsible for exacerbating the violence lived at home.
A number of survivors, in a courageous act of self-determination and agency, left those churches and found their way into communities of faith where they felt free to deconstruct messages they received as children or married women, where their security and well-being was treated with the utmost care and where their new spiritual directors or clergy were able to walk with them as they navigated divorce, child-rearing as single parents, PTSD, or financial difficulties. We have models of healthy communities of mercy.
In writing this article, I was filled with a sense of comfort. I knew that delivering news about intimate-partner violence in Christian faith communities is not necessarily a happy task, but that Anglican readership would be generally a receptive and open audience to this issue.
We have a desire in our diocese to be missional in our faith, social justice oriented and equity-minded towards all people, namely those who are marginalized. These are all strengths we can draw from in learning to be better and do better when it comes to responding to domestic violence. This doesn’t mean that we get it right all the time: the Rapha study reveals some hard truths about faith communities across our province, including mainline protestantism!
Churches and parishes have not properly educated their members on gender-based violence. They have been ill-equipped at responding to crisis involving domestic abuse, either by not recognizing it, minimizing it, or not wanting to “get involved in a private family matter”. Toxic church cultures that include having taboos, spreading gossip, judging divorce without understanding the circumstances or being disconnected from societal issues that haunt fellow parishioners have all contributed to risk factors for Christians who are suffering domestic violence.
We should be slow to judge the mistakes made: clergy and churches desire, on the whole, to be places of safety, transparency and healing. If anything, it is our blind spots that have done us the most harm when it comes to equipping and responding to intimate-partner violence on our own pews.
